I was thinking for sometime that Titiksha is growing up. She no longer wants to scurry up to my lap; in fact she resists being taken in my lap. She will always say with an effort, I am grown up now. See I can walk and she will start flapping her legs like a humming bird. However she does have a special bond with her father. She will always extend her hands before him for a lap-tour in the neighbourhood. I sigh when I see her growing, and I suddenly yearn for another child, someone vulnerable and totally dependent on me. I know we are not ready for another. I don’t know whether we will ever be ready for another. But the yearning still exists, to hold another child, small and beautiful and admire the completeness, and wonder what a miracle life is. And how blessed I am to give birth to a life.

Titiksha has two strong supporters, my mother and my husband. They will support her through thick and thin and really make me look like a villain. It doesn’t matter; their presence never stops me from giving her a lesson or lecture. She requires that, and all this attention from her supporters would make a brat out of her. And only if I could capture the look in her eyes when I enact my villainous role.

I sometimes ask myself, am I too strict, how does she view me in her little logical mind? I don’t care, I know I love her a lot, and she loves me too.

Yesterday she was crawling on the floor. I reminded her twice that she would trip and fall. She was wearing a trouser that was slipping under her leg and I was just planning to change her into her night dress. And then, as I could see the future, she tripped and fell and hit her chin. There was an immediate bluish mark under her chin; she really had a bad fall. She cried a lot from the self inflicted pain. And to my sorrow, she went away from my lap to her pappa. This led me to think that she was really more comfortable with her father. Of course her whimpering stopped only when I struck a deal that I would apply nail polish on her nails. Afterwards she also told me that she would never crawl again.

Next morning I had an early-morning conference call to attend. This I generally take from my home. And while at the call, I heard Titiksha wailing uncontrollably. I was distracted and missed a lot of discussion, I knew I would receive a MOM so it didn’t matter, but I was not able to leave the call and I was in another room. My attention totally switched to her loud sobs and thankfully pappa dearie brought her to me. She sat on my lap contented, all her tears and sobs suddenly subsiding.

On my way to office I really smiled with motherly satisfaction. I still have a long way to go before I find an empty nest.