A few days back I was forced to watch a telefilm at a relative’s place. The theme was as usual a lady being exploited by her husband and mother-in-law. It was a bit different in the sense that all they wanted was a son from the girl. But repeated attempts resulted in the birth of two daughters. I was amazed at the patience of the girl in waiting and praying for things to change. At last, another pregnancy due to a rape by her husband made her leave the house with her daughters. She even terminated her pregnancy before leaving.  

My husband was shocked after watching the film. I was not, I knew things are not easy for women. 

Just the other day I was shocked by the principal’s comment, when we wanted to admit Titiksha in a famous school. After questioning my husband and satisfied with his position and income he questioned me whether I work. I said yes and then he asked me the office timings. As usual, he asked about the caregivers of Titiksha in my absence. I confirmed that my parents take care of her. He bluntly commented that “Very Good. Both Husband and wife working and old parents are left with the burden of the child. They are still not free to enjoy their life”. While my parents happily take care of my daughter, I mentally agreed to his comment as a truth. But the next comment made me gasp. “You are a mother and it is your duty to take care of your child. Career cannot be more important than rearing up your daughter”. This is a debatable issue. I know the guilt pangs and the turmoil I continuously face. Sometimes I yearn to go back home and enjoy my time with Titiksha. But after weighing the issue I had decided long back to enjoy both: my motherhood and my career. I have always given my career a lesser consideration. It is something that I enjoy doing.  

But the issue here is not the debate of whether a mother should work, but the attitude of the principal. As a representative of the school, he is against the idea of working mothers. Will his school give the same respect to the girl students that they deserve? I desperately wanted to know from him, that why does a girl child need education? A cold stare from my husband made me stop. I also wanted to know whether they would consider supporting a child’s education if they do not have a father and their mothers do not earn a living. Why is it necessary for a woman to sacrifice her career for the sake of the family or the child? What about the female teachers in his school, why are they are appointed? These are pertinent questions and I would have gladly discussed these issues with the principal and knew more about his ideologies. It was important, because as a parent I would perhaps entrust them with my daughter’s responsibility. I want her to grow up and manage her career and family if she wants to do both. 

We went to attend an invitation last week. The lady of the house asked me whether I had any brother, I said "no we are two sisters." She asked me blatantly, who will take care of your parents, then? I said, "my sister and me are always ready to share their responsibilities but till this point it is our parents who are still taking good care of us." She also told me that my first one is a daughter and if I opt for a second issue then it is a great risk if it is again a daughter. People generally don’t try for a third one these days. She also has a daughter and I think she must be really worried about this. Later on I learned that the lady is also a teacher in a primary school. I wonder what her students are learning. 

Another incident that I must share. I had been to my niece’s school to fetch her home. A well-meaning lady suggested a suitable spot where I could view the children when they come out of their classes. The lady kept chattering and I found out that she was the mother of my niece’s classmate. At that moment, another lady came and stood beside us. She was carrying a sweet child on her lap. The first lady pointed out “this is her smaller daughter. Her elder daughter also reads here. I feel sorry for her.” I was particularly inquisitive as to why she felt sorry for her. She said, “Imagine her second issue is also a daughter and what a shame she must be facing in her in laws place. A complete waste of time and money.” I was shocked. I pray that her daughter doesn’t carry the same principles as her mother. My poor niece, I do hope she has some good classmates who come to school to study and increase their knowledge to progress well in life. 

While traveling to Bangalore with my daughter a copassenger continuously questioned my daughter about her father. I don’t know why she was so inquisitive whether at all we had a male member in our family. She was surprised when she learned that we two were visiting Bangalore for the first time. This time she directly asked me, where does your husband stay? I said of course at his house giving her enough room for suspicion.

People say that women are tortured. They are made to sacrifice and bow down. I have always felt that in most of the cases you cannot be forced to do something against your will. If you have the strength, you can make your choices. Of course, I know how difficult it is for most to fight back. Out of three, two persons I mentioned above were female. I am sure they had enough freedom to change their viewpoint.